When Boatman and I got engaged, it was on one proviso. That I reneg my sworn allegiance to the West Coast Eagles and devote myself solely to the advancement and support of the Adelaide Crows.
I had my reserves; mostly based on the fact that West Coast has been my team since I spent a holiday in Perth with my cousin, and he let me wear his west coast hat. Although I had never watched a game of AFL, they were my chosen team and it is unAustralian to not have one.
Obviously Boatman won out, and a good thing too, since our honeymoon to Perth and a visit to said relatives included a withdrawal of the photo album, and a pic of me smiling.
Wearing a Perth Wild Cats hat. (A basketball team for those of you with no idea.)
From that moment I had no problem declaring myself an avid Adelaide supporter.
Over the years, not only have I found myself watching the game with Boatman, but I have learnt to embrace footy culture. I have a guernsey, and a hat. I know what to yell at the screen, and when to scream it appropriately.
I have a secret desire to be a goal umpire and wave flags ceremoniously though the air.
I’m yet to see that dream realised.
I have, however, achieved the next best thing.
I’m an Aus-Kick coach.
Now if you’re reading from across the seas, or perhaps an incompetent Australian Rugby Supporter, you may not be aware that the Australian Football League is dedicated to grass roots training.
In other words, they encourage a love and obsession passion of footy from the time kids are four to five.
The NAB AusKick program is a fantastic program that is affordable and great value for money. The kids love it and it suits our family down to the ground.
One of the reasons for its success is that it relies heavily on the support of volunteers.
Like yours truly.
Now at this point, you may be wondering ‘what on earth qualified you for the job?’
Pretty much the fact that for one wild moment, I thought I could actually do it, and put my hand up.
Oh, how wrong I was.
Now I have managed to fool…. Well no one, but I have tried.
I listened very intently when learning all the technical speak, and know all the right things to teach.
Ballerina Toes- important for strong kicking
'Strong Eleven' Arms help you catch the ball to your chest
The 'squiggly' bit. Necessary for effective hand balling
I wear my two shirts and whistle with extreme pride.
I even have tiny little four year olds, calling me coach.
My favourite little player
But the fact of the matter is that I am pretty sure most of the parents, upon signing up their kids, handing over their money and getting their free back pack and drink bottle, when they see me, have this reaction.
I am the worst AusKick coach ever . It’s quite hilarious.
I tell them all to get a football, when they only need one between two.
I can’t keep them in a straight line for longer than…. I can’t keep them in a straight line at all.
Today’s attempt at playing footy was like watching a Collingwood and Essington Derby.
A glorified games of stacks on.
Occasionally with members of the same team all fighting over the ball.
And me, with my broken toe, a toddler on my hip screaming ‘no football mummy!’ delayed whistle blowing, and forgetting what anything was called. (To be fair, ‘holding the ball’ really had little meaning in this game.)
However, in my defense, I’m working with four year olds. They require the strictest of instructions; even a simple game of stuck in the mud is completely above their heads.
I can’t really justify it that way to the parents though:
‘Oh yeah! You think I suck as a coach? I don’t suck! Your kid sucks!’
I probably wouldn’t get to volunteer next year.
But what I lack in talent and know how, I make up for in raw enthusiasm.
I have those kids eating out of the palm of my hand.
They may even, with their complete lack of any kind of previous experience, view me as the best coach ever.
And even if they don’t….
At least I still have my whistle.
Would you send your kids to my AusKick class?
How awesome is my whistle?
Great post. I would love a shirt and whistle and 22 children calling me coach. Just wing the rest, they’ll never know. Tell them they need to warm up and then warm down. Lesson over. Rachel xx
Rachel from Redcliffe Style recently posted..Things I am loving. Vlog #1
Ha ha! I like your thinking!
We have succumbed to afternoon sports in the form of Soccer! We tried for Auskick but it was at 7.30am on a school day! Heard great things about the program but the seller for me would be having an amazeballs coach like you!
7:30 on a school day is crazy!
We had quite a few options open to us, but we do Monday afternoons cause it’s the easiest.
I played soccer as a kid and loved that!
I have no doubt you WILL become the best coach ever to those little darlings because of your beautiful caring and enthusiasm as that will rub off onto them.Also your children will see mum volunteering.That alone is a wonderful example to set and you will feel great helping those four year olds in their new adventure.Everyone wins.Stand proud on that field you gorgeous coach xx
I will thanks Deb, especially with awesome, encaourahing people like yourself reminding me. Xx
“But what I lack in raw talent and know how, I make up in raw enthusiasm…” – I can totally see that. Totes !
Auskick sounds like a great program. All the greater that they have a coach like you
Grace recently posted..Lessons of humanity from a 4 year old…
Ha ha! You obviously haven’t seen me in action!
It is a great program. $60 for ten weeks and it includes a whole bunch of free stuff for the kids, plus it is lots and lots of fun. The kids love it.
Ha ha. I don’t think anyone could keep 4 -year-olds in a straight line! Yay for the raw enthusiasm and the whistle! I’m not looking forward to when our days of organised sport begin. Hubby is very keen for it. I have NO sporting talent, and even less desire to sit at the sideline of a cold oval early on Saturday morning… Argh.
Julie recently posted..When positive parenting flies out the window
Yes that would be no fun! We do it on a Monday afternoon, and we are all hot and sweaty by the end of it!
It does make life even busier though. Monday nights has become toasted sandwiches for dinner night!
I would do it for the whistle, too, Coach Jess!
Msmandie recently posted..When One Is Enough
I love my whistle!
haha, makes me want to become my kids soccer coach when they get older. I’d volunteer for the shirt too
Hayley – Happyhousewifey recently posted..So long, I’ll miss you.
And we got too! So I can pick which one matches my shorts!
I’m so glam!
I would be THE worst coach – for any sport . we have yet to join any team sports but really want to find one for the girls (netball perhaps) as i never did any. they do gymnastics which thankfully is indoors even for display nights – no sitting on the sidelines in winter!
Deb @ Home life simplified recently posted..Colour coding to simplify my life
AusKick is only a short program which is part of its appeal to me. My eldest does Ballet constantly which is also indoors in the air con. The heat is the issue up here, not the cold!
What a great post, ever so funny while also encouraging. “uhumm” anyone who follows me on twitter would be blind not to know who the PERTH WILDCATS are by now
. My experience with the whistle was at a park when I used it to gather my many kids. Good idea I thought. I didn’t know sport at all and the field next to the park, the team, coaches and referees were not to impressed at this unofficial whistle. You should have seen how fast lots of kids can be belted up(seat belts!) for a quick escape. I hung up the whistle after that.
Jules recently posted..Over, Under, Through or Around, Here I come.
I like that idea of the whistle! I have often thought of dressing my kids in reflective workmans wear at a park some don’t lose them!
Boatman agreed that we could make the Perth Wild Cats our basketball team. Not that we actually follow basketball….
Awesome Jess!! I just love your enthusiasm!!! I think it makes the experience of sport extra special for the kids to see their parents get involved and have a great time! Good on you!!
Nicole (SportyMummy) recently posted..Active Kids Weekend: ACT Zone Cross Country
Thanks Nicole!
The kids do love it.
Boatman is coaching the five year ol and Taylah is his helper, so it’s a real family affair!
I’m always fascinated by how much Aussies love their footy. I think Auskick is a great program for the kids and maybe Singapore should start something like that. The govt here wants to get people to support their home soccer teams more heh
Ai Sakura recently posted..He Makes: Beads by Dr Dru
Aussies are obsessed by footy! In all its different codes!
I know AFL is trying to infiltrate other countries; there might be AusKick in Singapore yet!
You go girl!
I think you would make a pretty Awesome coach.
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Naw thanks Jane. Xx
We are true “football” folks in this house, as in we follow European Football (soccer, my Husband will not call it soccer) but I think Auskick is great!
Lauren @ The Surprise Beginning recently posted..The Little List of Self-Love
I don’t like watching soccer, but I do enjoy playing it. Boatman is not keen though. It’s afl or nothing!
Yay Rugby!! But good on you!
I won’t hold that against you Anna.
Hilarious! Though I can imagine it’d be like rounding up cats!
When I was in high school (15-16yrs old) I coached an U12 Girls Basketball team, though I did play A LOT myself and played a lot of representative stuff etc… so was qualified technical-wise, but was a complete walk-over when it came to the girls. I also always felt conflicted about giving the girls equal time on the court and WINNING!!!!
Deb recently posted..Weak in the knees
I would definitely send my kids to your class, but the question is – can you run backwards with the whistle? Very important
Carli@tinysavages recently posted..In defence of mother’s groups
I can.
Is falling over ok though?
Jess@Essentially Jess recently posted..Call me Coach
I would send my kids to your team. Sure beats someone trying to teach little kids about rules and techniques! Weasel played kindy soccer, it would have been more fun if they allowed stacks on.
Michelle @ Blundermum recently posted..Baking a Lemon Meringue Pie
I didn’t technically allow it…. But then I did stop and laugh most of the time too. Until some kid start crying and the parents gave me dirty looks.
Is it ok to yell ‘toughen up!’ to a four year old?
Jess@Essentially Jess recently posted..Call me Coach
How well Gemma knows you.. “you are in it for the backpack and the hat”…..that’s exactly why two of my grandkids did it.
In terms of SPORTING opportunities here is the west of Sydney…oh there are many…but you are so right. Auskick is fantastic. The various people running AFL programs for schools come out, give all the kids a kick and a run…and then the info to sign up for AusKick such as yours.
BUT
BUT
who the heck says 4 years old in a group of 20 will pay attention to anyone…..for anytime longer than the offer of a Maccas afterwards.
Jess……you are a goddess to sport, and a force to be reckoned with…but without the whistle, there wouldn’t be much power. In the world of sport..who has the whistle wins.
Go Ref…or is it Ump…sorry, grew up in Rugby league and Union land of NSW.
Denyse x
Denyse Whelan.Education Specialist recently posted..Families’ Week. Day 2. Rant & Rave Here.
That is definitely quote worthy: in the world of sport… Wo has the whistle wins.
I think I love my whistle even more now!
Jess@Essentially Jess recently posted..This Little Piggy…
Ha! Hilarious. I can really picture this Jess. I’d sign my kid up just to watch it all.
Sorry, but I have never watched a game of AFL and I couldn’t even tell you a team besides the Sydeny Swans, and I don’t got for them.
I’m a league girl all the way. I prefer my men without the pansy toes thank you.
Miss Pink recently posted..Loving a Bit Of Colour
There is no beauty in league; and I don’t like my guys with tree stumps for legs!
AFL an be so pretty to watch.
Jess@Essentially Jess recently posted..This Little Piggy…
My daughter used to play Auskick – I KNOW how nuts it is down there with all those kids. Hats (or Auskick cap) off to you Jess. You’re a better man than I am.
Rachel @ The Kids Are All Right recently posted..Chilling out about NAPLAN
Good on you! I’m now the coach of my daughter’s netball team (Netta’s). But I have to buy my own whistle and shirt and ball. Not fair!! (At least I’m coaching under-8′s, not 4 & 5 year olds!)
Debbie @ Aspiring Mum recently posted..Self-Belief and Words
That’s a bit of a rip off!
The great think about AusKick is the generosity; they give you so much free stuff. Even tickets to the GC suns, Western Bull Dogs game this weekend!
Jess@Essentially Jess recently posted..Call me Coach
You’re confusing me! Now I don’t know whether to call you Doc or Coach.
I used to coach gymnastics, both Kindergym and Women’s Artistic.
Without ever having done gymnastics in my life, I made it to senior coach level out on the floor at competition. Don’t ask me how.
Kindergym was always fun. I got to legitimately shake my butt to The Wiggles and Bananas in Pyjamas and was the fittest I’ve ever been in my life.
Have fun with that whistle!
I never had a whistle.
*pouts*
Jayne recently posted..Damn Unpretty
I think it depends on your needs. If your sick I’ll be Doc, but if you need a legitimate reason to shake your booty to the wiggles, I can coach you all the way!
Ripped off about the whistle!
Jess@Essentially Jess recently posted..Call me Coach
LOL… I’d totally do it for the free stuff! It’s not much different then the time I joined Avon, just so I could get a crap load of sample lippies!!!
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Love it! Thanks for the giggle Jess. I haven’t seen an AFL game in about 14 years when I was seeing a mad-keen Brisbane Lions supporter. Even in Brissy the atmosphere was electric and seeing a game in Victoria is on my bucket list.
Oh, and your enthusiasm made me want to enroll my daughter in AusKick, even though she’s barely 4 months old…
Jenn @ mountains and musings recently posted..half mara monday week two
Go Jess! My Gosh, I need to get me a whistle! You’re an inspiration, gorgeous girl! xxx
Jess WhoaMamma recently posted..The One About Elvis’s Side-Burns
Everyone needs a whistle!
Jess@Essentially Jess recently posted..This Little Piggy…
I am sorry, I am off you for abandoning the West Coast Eagles. Can’t talk to you anymore!
They are still my second favourite team.
And I’m sorry but if it comes to choosing between you and Boatman….. Well that is a tough one!
Jess@Essentially Jess recently posted..This Little Piggy…
LOVE IT! Good on you for giving it a go and learning something out of your comfort zone. I didn’t know much about the game either but had to learn to love it for the sake of my partner and now know when to yell certain things although live games are much much better!
We go Swans then Crows.
And yes I would let you coach my kid.
Neen recently posted..a tale about…
Oh how awesome! I could never do it. I think your team is super lucky because they are going to have so much fun.
Happylan recently posted..How to have a “Take-it-Easy Tuesday”
Oh you have just made me feel even worse about complaining about having to GET UP from the bleachers to throw a ball to my child.
Danielle recently posted..Happy Days
I was LA’s coach for 2 years in a row , that was a tough gig. I also co coachedAKA managed the soccer team for my eldest as a 6yr -7 old. I got a little trophy for both sterling efforts.
Trish recently posted..Slow down some ….you are making me run
Ps I am jealous because I never got a whistle or a shirt or even a bag.
Trish recently posted..Slow down some ….you are making me run
Good on you for trying! I’m not a coach of youth sports at the moment, but I have my fingers crossed that Ashleigh will want to play netball one day. I’ll be there, whether she wants me to be or not!!
Emily recently posted..Sleep is a politeness reset button
Holy crap 22 kids on a Sat morning?! Not worth the free whistle lol!!! Boy Blue is signed up.. I paid the money and handed auskick over to HB so I can have a sleep in! Hurray!!
Mum’s the Word recently posted..No More Spilt Milk~ CuppyCup a Review
No on a Saturday morning it would not be worth it; we do it on a Monday arvo. Much more manageable!
Jess@Essentially Jess recently posted..This Little Piggy…
you go girl! super cool jersey! Totally awesome job I say!
tahlia – the parenting files recently posted..the simple things
I still think you need to take up derby reffing…
Go Jess!! xxXOoo
carmen recently posted..Being different…
I would have done it just for the whistle – and I can’t think of anything I would enjoy less than coaching kids sport!
Jo @ Coutntrylifeexperiment recently posted..{Recipe} Twice Cooked Pumpkin Gnocchi
OK, so I LOVE Auskick, but my boy hates it. We’ve given him six good weeks to love it, but nope. So we are now Auskick dropouts. How embarrassing.
Tam recently posted..Pork cassoulet
OH I love that you are a Auskick coach! I can’t wait to be a coach for my lil ones plus join the canteen mob at school and the P&C and do all those cool Mummy jobs when the lil ones get older.. something my mum did and I’d like to carry on the tradition (no matter how bad I am at sports!)
btw I am a freo dockers supporter purely because I live in the area I don’t know 1 rule in afl. Give me All Blacks Rugby any day (and Liverpool FOOTball club!)
Yvette Bowyer recently posted..Rush Rush Rush – no time to stop!
Hilarious! I’m in awe of your football knowledge. I live with an NRL fan so for me football is a dirty word ;P Good luck with the rest of the season!!
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