There’s a certain calm that descends over the homes of families with young children. It doesn’t always happen, so that when it does, it is even more precious and guarded.
It’s a time when tired mums do something for themselves.
What that something is, changes from woman to woman. Some use it to catch up on neglected housework… Or tv.
Others read or sew or crochet.
Some enjoy an uninterrupted phone conversation with centrelink a good friend.
Whatever it is, it is an important, integral time of the mothering process.
It’s called nap time.
Unless Boatman is home.
Now don’t get me wrong; I love my husband. Absolutely adore him. Spending time with him is awesome.
But I have a very small window of time in my day for me. A time when I try to cram in lunch, blog reading and some exercise.
Being asked to make someone else lunch, deter romantic advances, or discuss anything is precious minutes wasted used for something else, and means my step aerobics/tv viewing times is destined to be interrupted with ‘can we come out now?’ about 70 times.
This does not make me a happy camper.
Thankfully, I seem to have taken care of this little problem forever.
On Tuesday, Boatman, knowing my aversion to being interrupted, sent me a text message asking if he could come home for lunch, as he had left it at home. (I’m a terrible wife aren’t I?)
I obliged, happy to see him for once, and home he came for the left overs of his Bolognese.
We were happily chatting in the kitchen. I got the plates out, he toasted his bread, and warmed the sauce, and I cut up my salad.
Lunch was served, I went and got drinks and sat down next to him; he had already started eating, keen to get back to work not distract me for too long.
Thankfully, I had not started eating yet.
I suggest that you not be eating right now.
He was about three bites in, when he stopped suddenly, staring intently at the plate.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“I don’t think this plate was cleaned,” he said.
I immediately started calculating the logical correctness of this statement, trying to think how it was possible.
Then came the next bit.
“Oh no, it was cleaned….. By the dog!”
“What? No, it can’t be?”
“Yep, oh that’s disgusting!”
He was up and disposing of lunch, looking for some sort of antiseptic to wash out his mouth.
“Are you sure?” I asked, still trying to work out how my housekeeping had allowed such a thing to happen. Honestly, I’m not in the habit of getting the dog to help with the dishes.
“Oh……. Well you know, they say a dogs mouth is actually very clean….”
“Do you remember yesterday when we saw her chowing down on …….?”
I’m not even going to write it. Suffice to say the memory alone was enough to make me dry retch and almost throw my own lunch away.
Not helped by the fact that, Boatman, feeling jipped that he got the dog-cleaned plate, decided it was completely necessary to provide a commentary of really disgusting things while I ate.
Charming.
Thankfully, three days later, boatman has not died from Salmonella or any other food poisoning, all dishes have been scrubbed thoroughly and put away clean, (we think Ava had taken a plate of scraps to the dog and then put the plate away for us), and I have secured a life time of uninterrupted quiet times.
All is right in the world again.
Now I’m not suggesting that you try and poison your husband, not at all. But if he is in the habit of ‘popping home’ during your time, maybe you could tell him the urban legend of the dog-cleaned plate.
Then you too, can enjoy nap time alone forevermore.
ahaahaahaaha oh that is too funny! Poor Boatman. I could actually see something similar happening in our house. Kids can be so helpful at times
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He hasn’t got to funny yet. He is still at almost vomiting stage.
It was gross but hilarious!
Jess@Essentially Jess recently posted..The Legend of the Dog-Cleaned Plate
Must be the week for it. We had friends over for dinner, and feeling very full and content afterwards we all flaked out in the family room, leaving the leftovers on the table (temporarily).
Next thing I hear this NOM NOM NOM … it was the cat … on the table … enjoying the leftovers!
Hubster was VERY upset. (What is it with men and food?!). And guess what the cat has had for dinner EVERY DAY this week? Yep, the leftovers (betcha he’s sorry he pinched ‘em, he must be heartily sick of human food by now!).
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Ha ha! I guess it’s the Ida of them eating off our plates, though usually I would thoroughly clean them afterwards!
Jess@Essentially Jess recently posted..The Legend of the Dog-Cleaned Plate
I can totally relate to nap time. It is ME time, god forbid I get a 40 minute phone call from my Mum, I love her, but I’m always itching for some downtime.
I love the dog cleaned plate story, hilarious, I have the same problem with dog cleaned tea cups, he has an obsession with finishing off my tea, but makes the cup look very clean it’s deceiving.
I actaully almost refuse to answer that phone in that time; I consider it my lunch break, and people should call back during business hours!
Jess@Essentially Jess recently posted..The Legend of the Dog-Cleaned Plate
OMG!!! Hilarious!! That’ll teach him not to come home during lunch!
It’s all about “securing that life time of uninterrupted quiet times…”
It’s unfortunate we don’t have a pet to try the same thing on Mr Surfer
Grace recently posted..FYBF – Pre-Blogopolis Fever
I’m sure they think we really enjoy having the quality time with them, and it’s not that we don’t…. It’s just we’d rather be alone!
Jess@Essentially Jess recently posted..The Legend of the Dog-Cleaned Plate
Hilarious.I love a good pet story.
I put on a party for my mum once and went inside to get the food to bring outside.I placed the platters heaped full of chickens on the table and proceeded to take dishes out to the backyard.On my return I saw her Great Dane standing next to many empty platters where all the chickens once sat.Very full happy dog…very cranky upset me
Oh no, that would have been devastating!
I’ve caught the cat eating my breakfast before whilst i am distracted by kids, and that’s bad enough, but platters full of chicken? I think I would have cried!
Jess@Essentially Jess recently posted..The Legend of the Dog-Cleaned Plate
That is so gross. Your poor husband. My in-laws used to let their lab lick their plates in the dishwasher too, and that used to gross me out even knowing that they were about to go through the cycle. But now reading this, maybe they stuffed up sometimes too!!! Maybe I’ve eaten of dog-licked plates. Ptt ptt ptt (sound of me spitting).
Rachel @ The Kids Are All Right recently posted..Goodbye Nora E, though I never knew you at all
Oh that’s gross! I don’t actaully let her eat off the plates. Any scraps are put in her bowl, which is obviously something we need to teach the kids.
Maybe you should invite the inlaws to your place next time?
Jess@Essentially Jess recently posted..The Legend of the Dog-Cleaned Plate
Ha! What a great story, Jess! That photo of the dog in the dishwasher cracks me up.
Guess Boatman won’t be in a hurry to come home for lunch for a while…
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no, it’s not very likely!
Poor Boatman
Jess@Essentially Jess recently posted..The Legend of the Dog-Cleaned Plate
Lol
That’s a classic moment! Oh to be a fly on the wall when that happened… hehehe!
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It was actually really gross! Can’t think about it too much. If you had seen what she had eaten the day before….. Gag!
Jess@Essentially Jess recently posted..The Legend of the Dog-Cleaned Plate
Brilliant!! According to my husband I am the worst ironer that walked the planet…. and whenever he forgets this and asks me to iron for him I just iron a few extra creases in and that secures me another 6 months iron free!!
I hear you on the nap time too and thanks for the tip re: quiet time with older children!
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