It’s been a little quiet here on the blog.
Maybe not from your reader’s viewpoint, but definitely from my minds. I’ve been writing posts, yes, but nothing really real. Nothing from me; honest and true.
It’s because, if I’m honest, I don’t really want to. No one wants to read the depressed ramblings of a stay at home mum, (new blog title perhaps?), who literally has everything she could have ever wanted. I sure as hell, don’t want to write them.
But I fear as long as I ignore the elephant in my subconscious, we may never get past here; so here is where we are.
I feel like I’ve been under an attack.
A full blown assault that is getting me from all angles and exhausting every part of me.
And here are the Assaulting Agents. In dot point.
- My parenting: I feel like I’m not getting much right on the mummy front right now. Behaviours I thought I had dealt with are popping up left, right and centre, and bringing along new friends to boot.
Maybe they have been here for a while, but it’s only now that I have the clarity to see them?
This morning, I actually had this conversation again.
“Who left a poo in the toilet?”
Enter various chorus’ of ‘not me!’
Sighing because I just caught him in an outright lie, I summon Bailey to flush away the offending excrement. ‘How did you know it was me?’ he asks, genuinely curious.
‘Because I know what your poos look like,’ is my completely genuine response.
Being able to identify an owner by his poo, is just one of the many perks of my day.
And It’s exhausting.
The good thing is, this afternoon I get to go and instruct other people how to be wonderful parents like me!
- The housework: I can’t keep on top of it. I’m always behind. Even when it’s tidy for one minute, it doesn’t last that long.
I’m busting my gut trying to have this immaculate house and live up to some kind of ridiculous stereotype I’ve pulled from somewhere, and it’s just not happening.
At some point I need to accept that this is probably as good as its going to get. Plus there are holes in the floor. That should kind of make up for the clutter right?
- My ankle: remember that disastrous exercise session that left me nursing a sore bum, a sore foot, and a brand new pair of crutches? Well it turns out that I actually did significant tissue damage, and am now under the care of an enthusiastic Melbournian physiotherapist, who has informed me, in no uncertain terms, that I am to keep said ankle strapped at all times and stop exercising, or I risk months of wearing the most stylish of footwear.
This.
Obviously not me, though I could only hope to look this glamorous.
Anyone know where I can find a rich vampire stylist who doesn’t want to eat me?
The lack of running is not helping my underused endorphins, and the pain from the foot is not helping me sleep.
- My weight: I’ve been having more fat days than not.
I’ve actually become completely despondent, changing outfits multiple times before leaving the house, and trying to eat as little as possible.
Of course the lack of exercise is not helping with that either. But boatman, being the star he is, went our and bought me a cheap little exercise bike yesterday, as that is the only physio approved activity, and he knows I’m going mental without it.
- Sleep: I’m not getting much of it.
When I go to bed at night all I can think of is the blog posts I wish I could write, or the sewing activities left unfinished, or how on earth Shonda Rhimes is going to move forward in to next season of Grey’s Anatomy?
- Greys Anatomy: the season final.
Seriously? Who saw that coming? I was so shocked I couldn’t even cry, which is saying something!
I’m with you Mer
Ok, well the last point may have been a little exaggerated, but it does really leave one with some serious questions determining next seasons direction and outcome, and in all truth, pondering possible story arcs, and how I would dictate the scripts is a welcome reprieve from feeling like a fat, failing mother with a dirty house and a sore ankle, which is basically where I’m at.
Exhausted, assaulted, and completely over pretty much everything.
Did I also mention I have cold?
How have things been with you?
I hear you – some days it feels like no matter what you do, fate is determined to make everything turn to shit. But know you are cetainly NOT a failure as a Mum, and housework will always be there to torment us – it’s like trying to keep the ocean back with a broom when you have children
I don’t have a magic solution…if I did I would have it available to all parents, everywhere! But as long as your littles are happy, loved and they know it, your success as a parent is guaranteed. And as for yourself – cycle your heart out on that bike, and when that’s not enough, get a massage and some chocolate mud cake xx
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That is probably the best analogy of housecleaning I think I have ever heard!
Now off to find me a masseuse and chocolate cake….
Sounds like those words came right out of my own mouth.
I just got back from office works and said to my husband, ‘I’m not liking my children very much at the moment. Everything we do is a major drama’, as a drag one of them into the bedroom for time out for calling me a stupid mum. It’s bloody hard work.
Hang in there. I’m trying.
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Oh it’s hard isn’t it? I spent all weekend with one child trying to do everything I could to help her feel loved, and she screams at me constantly as a reward.
Some days all you can do is hold on and hope for the best.
Hope things get better for you soon xx
WHAT! THAT was the season final? You just can’t end it like that! I was seriously geared up to watch it this week and see how it concludes. As the hour closed I actually had my hopes up it was a double episode because….yeah….it should have been.
As for excercise I am going to reccommend pilates. It WILL give you the endorphin release and it WON’T put any strain on your ankle.
However FWIW I am NOT losing weight despite putting some good hours in to the gym. It’s quite frustrating. I know muscle weighs more than fat yadda yadda but I’m not exactly getting thinner either. I do think you look fabulous even if you have a gimpy ankle.
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Yes that was the season final! I couldn’t believe it! How are we supposed to wait until February to see what happens next????
I hadn’t thought about Pilates. My bike is a great workout, though my butt is feeling it today.
And you always look fabulous xxx
I know it’s small comfort but I so get where you are. Despondent is a nice way of phrasing it. I say I feel “blah”. Assaulted – yes. Overwhelmed & underwhelmed simultaneously. I could go on but then I’d have a blog post of my own
Hope the cloud passes soon & you feel better mentally, emotionally AND physically xxx
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Thanks Nee.
Amazingly writing it down does help a bit. Today, although crazy busy, seems brighter.
Seems like a lot of people are in a bit of a funk at the moment. The first 2 I can always relate to… always SOMETHING to make me feel like bad parent or housewife. Now I’m wondering whether I would be able to distinguish between the poos of my eldest two children if left in the toilet… Hmmm.
Hope the ankle recovers soon to help with the exercise and sleep bit too. As for Grey’s… don’t watch it, so I’m not down about that one!
Julie recently posted..I might be just moralising… but I don’t think so
For starters I’m glad your ankle is fine, and that you missed the heartbreak of Greys.
I guess it’s just the flip side of parenting, the other stuff.
There is so much joy in it and fulfillment, but so much heartbreak at the same time. So much agonizing, and concern and worry.
I love my kids and really only want the best for them, but I despise making the tough choices and being ‘the baddie’ to do it.
Thank God his mercy is new every morning.
Ugh. Sounds like you’ve got some pretty good reasons to feel down, Jess. So be kind to yourself, let yourself have that little wallow, then get up and kick some ass again.
xxx
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Will do Tam xx
Perhaps it’s something to do with the moon and the stars and all that jazz? I’m feeling much the same at the moment. I have almost no motivation to clean, I’m about ready to ship my 11 year old off to… well… anywhere! Her hormones are going insane and killing me in the process! I’m just feeling generally meh and overwhelmed all that the same time.
Here’s hoping that with the change of season, that everything will seem bright and new again for all of us xo
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Oh Jess, somehow even when you write a post that is sad and unhappy you still manage to make me laugh! Identifying poo owners…. hilarious.
As for the tough stuff, I am having a similar moment myself. I am sure it would all be less dramatic for us both if we could just get some bloody sleep. The stress induced insomnia is what is killing me. Bugger you can’t exercise yourself to sleep at the moment, that is my plan tonight.
Here’s to hoping that next week we are both in a better place x
Carly recently posted..Home not so sweet home
I don’t do housework. I just constantly spring clean. All the bloody time. It never ends!
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