I think that most of us, most of the time, want nothing more than to love our children the best way we can.
We only ever do our best. Yes, we make mistakes, and sometimes it seems too ridiculous and exhausting to even try, but still we do.
Because the opposite is too horrible to even think of.
To think that somehow, some way, we might be personally responsible for screwing our kids up, is a frightening thought.
The idea, that as the grow they might hurt someone at worst, or want nothing to do with us at best, defies contemplation.
Particularly if it’s our fault.
Sometimes, I think, of all the ways my own parents failed. The mistakes I remember, and all the ones I have thankfully forgot. But there’s no point thinking about that.
No one can change the past.
But we can change the future.
On Saturday, I heard the story of a little girl, who came home heartbroken.
She had had a sleep over with a member of her family and it had not been what she expected. A miscommunication of love languages had seen that things had not gone the way she planned.
When people speak love in a different way to how we hear love, it doesn’t matter how much we can drown them in it; it just won’t get through. It’s a different language, and it doesn’t work. It’s not a criticism of anyone, it’s just the way things are.
None of us are perfect.
In fact the story of this little girl opened up my eyes to my own failures in this area; how I let my kids down constantly, every day.
I’m so imperfect, it hurts my heart.
So imperfect, I highly doubt that I am actually qualified to be anyone’s mother, let alone have the children I do. Beautiful, funny, compassionate children.
But God never calls the qualified; he qualifies the called, and so, I choose to believe that somehow, in my grasp, I have everything I need to do this gig.
Even if I don’t do it perfectly.
Even if I make mistakes. Even if I have to learn a new language to do it.
I took time on the weakend to apologise to my kids, and one in particular. I realised that my Taylah is growing up so quickly, and I am missing the whole thing. She is so calm and cruisy and easy to please, that sometimes I forget to try.
And forgetting to try is the worst thing I can do, because that sends the message that she is not worth it. That she, who she is, who she will be, and who she could be, will never be enough. And for any child, for any person, that is possibly the worst thing they can believe.
Because we are all worth it.
We are all enough.
And we are all important enough that people should try for us.
We deserve people to try.
As parents, we are required to try.
Sometimes, as a parent, we make one hundred mistakes a day, and are sure that we need to be putting money aside for our kids psychiatric bill. Sometimes, all we can see is the faults.
When I held Taylah in my arms, and apologised for all the ways I fail, she cried and told me ‘you are the best mum. You always try to be better. You’re the best mum in the world, cause you never stop trying.’
I think that most of us, most of the time, want nothing more than to love our children the best way we can.
And the easiest way to do that?
Just keep trying.
oh Jess tears… what a beautiful post – and I LOVE what Taylah said to you, its so true.. SO true. You never give up, you just keep going, keep trying and pushing to do things better, out of love xx
Lyndal recently posted..We keep on waiting, waiting on the world to change
All we can ever do is try. Somedays I don’t want to, but I have to, cause what else do you do?
Thanks Lyndal. Xx
Jess@Essentially Jess recently posted..Just Keep Trying
This made me cry. Beautifully written, as always x
Catherine Rodie Blagg @CoTaaB recently posted..My week in pictures #4
Thanks lovely. Xx
Jess@Essentially Jess recently posted..Just Keep Trying
Jess, such beautiful words .. I think all we can do is keep trying, I probably haven’t been trying enough with the kidlets lately and it shows in their behaviour, gonna give my babies (especially the biggest one who often gets left to cruise along) lots of big hugs tonight x
Stacey-Lee recently posted..Gallery Wall
It’s easy to get caught up in life and not do any thing else. I know that better than anyone. And the older ones often get left out because they are so cruisy.
But love covers a multitude of failures. Xx
Jess@Essentially Jess recently posted..Just Keep Trying
I am sitting reading in tears because I just completely lost it with my son! I feel very powerless with him at times. He is so different to me, with no fear of authority. He is only 3, but seems completely immune to ANY form of discipline. I know that me losing it doesn’t help either… Not sure I can really tell what his love language is yet either.
I’ll just keep trying!
Julie recently posted..Time with God: a Life-Changer
Julie I have cried so many tears over Bridie who is exactly the same. Defiant and seemingly impervious to consequences. It’s exhausting, and yes, I lose my temper all the time.
It’s moments like this, where we need the grace of God, and to remember they are his kids, and He is the one who helps us. We certainly don’t do very well on our own.
Keep trying. Keep loving. It will get better.
And 3 is too young for a love language to be obvious.
Jess@Essentially Jess recently posted..Just Keep Trying
Oh Jess
You’re right, all we can do is our best. And the fact that you want to do your best, and you keep trying to do your best right away indicates that you’re a great mum. It is so hard to be a parent, the guilt, the wondering if you’re doing the right thing, trying to choose your battles. We put our foot down with Nick about dinner time last night (he never eats what we eat) and I wondered the whole time if it was really worth it. And when we make them do things they don’t want to and it doesn’t turn out how we hoped, that just makes us doubt things even more. You’re a wonderful mum Jess, don’t ever doubt that and don’t ever question your deservedness (?) of being a parent!
Aroha @ Colours of Sunset recently posted..Week 40 {52 Weeks To Simplify Your Life}
It’s hard when the decisions we make don’t go to plan. That’s where the hard work of consistency comes in, but that seems impossible sometimes.
You’re a wonderful mother; your love for that little boy is so obvious. xx
Jess@Essentially Jess recently posted..Just Keep Trying
All we can ever do is do our best. And we know what our best is. Not others, not our friends, not our parents, you/us! And there is no perfect! And if we all keep trying, like you, we can climb mountains and do anything xox
tahlia @ the parenting files recently posted..When my batteries are empty
Exactly! No such thing as perfect at all. Just the best we can do.
Jess@Essentially Jess recently posted..Just Keep Trying
Very wise words Jess. There are some days where it would just be so easy to walk away – to have a break and relax the rules a little. But I know that the hard yards are worth it. And while our kids do see us at our worst, they also see the unconditional love that we have – and to them, we are the best. You are so right in saying God qualifies the called – because if it was any other way, there would be no possibility that I would be blessed with the children I have. You are doing a wonderful job.xx
Debbie @ Aspiring Mum recently posted..What If…
As are you!
Thank God we have Him to lean on. I don’t know how I would do it otherwise.
Jess@Essentially Jess recently posted..Just Keep Trying